echoes:KMFDM - Inane
personal status:Blah & Phoenix Flight
aura:Unhealthy

there has been some moments in my life that have seemed to define my character. I admit, they are rather fucked up, but whatever, they did help form the personality that I have today. physically, I matured, but emotionally I lacked the psychological structure to fit. I guess I have never been in a relationship with someone due to the fact that I cant get over the whole situation of the bet. I am sure I mentioned it before, but if I didn't, here goes...
When I was in the sixth grade, a grade that people start learning to socialize with members of the opposite sex to start building normal sociological skills, these two girls made a bet to find out what school I had previously attended. when one of the girls lost, they had to appear to be interested in me for a month and pay the other $50. this didn't come to my attention until after the month was over. I felt used, ashamed, and I hated those two.
I guess my insecurities and chagrin have become a staple in my mindset, that I cannot break through the border. I know, I could just sit and mope, or I could do something about it. I need to. The issue is that there is no one at school that I am interested in, or they are already involved. I guess I am just not happy with the station I am at in my life. lately, I have found myself lethargic and apathetic. I feel like leaving it all behind and starting anew, somewhere I am not known, away from family, away from what I have come to know, just go somewhere and become independent.
ultimately, that will be what I will do. I am ultimately sick and tired of my father, he can go to hell, seriously. I am just not willing to deal with it anymore. I want to get the fuck away. I want out of here. I feel as if I am about to snap.

posted at 01:24 on 10.29.2004
gone // now // coming

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